‘Tis the season to be jolly…..i.e. NOT a jerk

As a seasoned retail veteran (and yes, my soul weeps at the knowledge that I AM a seasoned retail veteran), I’d like to impart some of my wisdom on the folks doing the holiday shopping.  Namely, I’d like to tell you how NOT to be a jerk.  Because many people forget this every year.  So in no particular order, here’s my top five.

1. Credit cards.  For the love, sign the back.  Please don’t tell me that you don’t sign your card so that people will have to ask to see your ID because that is dumb.  If a bad guy gets your card and signs the back, then the signatures will MATCH EVERY TIME.  Also, don’t look at me like I’m a criminal because I suggest this to you.  If you want people to check for an ID, write “Please See ID.”  Symbols and scratches do not count as a signature.  If you scrawl your name and I ask for ID, don’t get snarky with me.  You should write neater.  If you write “See ID” on the back but left your ID in the car, that’s your problem.  You need to go get it.  I like/need my job, so I won’t ever tell you what I think of you.  Instead, I’ll just demagnetize your credit card on the security sensor after I run it.

2.  Do your shopping early or be happy with what’s available.  Does this need explaining?  Sure! I’d love to order item X for you, but you need to make sure there’s enough time for it to get here.  It’s not like Christmas is on some surprise random day each year.  Look! It’s even comes printed on your calendar!  If you really wanted to get into the spirit of things, you’d take some time out out of your day and make a few of your gifts.  It’s cheaper and typically far more appreciated.

3.  You are not alone.  Everyone is shopping this time of year.  Every place is busier than it normally is.  Allot your time accordingly. I’m also well aware of how full the parking lot is.  I’m sorry that you had to park a block away.  I’m parked in a metered zone and I work here.  So either I get to spend my breaks dashing out to feed the meter OR I can come back to $15 worth of tickets.  If it were up to me, I’d sit on top of the store with a paintball gun and people that park in the lot that don’t go into the store (and wander around Mass. all day) would get nailed.

4.  Don’t tell me what we do or do not have in stock.  I don’t know everything about all the merchandise under the roof and neither do you.  Don’t tell me that the store doesn’t have what you’re looking for unless you’ve looked and then asked someone else to help you look.  If you are one of those people that marches up to me and states that we don’t have the book you’re looking for when you haven’t even asked for help, then count yourself lucky that I’m not the type to smack you upside the head with the book that you were looking for when I find it…in the exact spot that the computer states it should be.  And before you get huffy when we don’t have the paperback version, you should try checking to see if the paperback is even out yet.

5.  A good 99% percent of the time, whatever you’re upset about…it isn’t my fault.  I didn’t max out your credit card.  I didn’t buy up all the item you were looking for.  I don’t do the advertising/marketing/policy-making for the company I work for.  I didn’t misread the expiration date or restrictions on your coupon.  I don’t know all of the merchandise in the store and neither do our computers.  I didn’t leave your shopping list at home.  I don’t watch much TV so I don’t know that “one show” or “that book that was featured on that one show.”  And anything that is from the past three years of pop culture….yeah…I won’t know that either.  I won’t know what coupons showed up in your email account.  Had a rough day?  Trust me, I understand. But please don’t spew your emotion vomit or vent some spleen my way.  You have every right in the world to feel the way you do.  That’s your business.  You do NOT have the right to try and drag the rest of us down with you.  Not okay.  Take your bad attitude and multiply it by 10 for a small store and 45+ for a larger one.  Add it to the fact that rent is coming due and gifts need to be purchased and you have the day of a retail monkey.   You have the choice to add a little good to the world (or a little bad) with every interaction you have in the course of your day.  Which will you choose?

Moral of the story: Be kind. Even when you don’t much feel like it.  Try to make your corner of the world a little bit shinier.

Some Thoughts on Romance Novels

I love to read.  I will read almost anything if I have enough free time.  However, like television but to a lesser extent, it is certainly possible that books can provide too much escapism.   It always bothers me when someone will exclusively read one genre (after all, there are so many interesting books out there).  But for whatever reason, romance novels annoy the heck out of me.   While doing some shelving at work, I had some time to think about it.

First, the titles.  Highlander.  Desire.  Dangerous. Seduce. Master.  Lady.  There’s a long list of words that have been used to death, resurrected, and then used to death all over again.

Second, similar to Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, the heroine starts out with pluck and spunk and ends up being subdued.  Unlike Shakespeare, we live in an era where finding love and marriage does not mean somehow becoming a lesser.  Now, for entertainment purposes, that’s fine.  However, if you are exposed to an “ideal” of something for an extended period of time, your own ideal will start to shift.  Especially if that ideal is seductively attractive in one way or another.

Third, there’s this magical idea that love can conquer all that is stupidly pervasive in this country.  So many people of both genders somehow have this idea that if you just love the person hard enough, that everything will be okay.  I love you. I mean it.  Poof. Everything is fantastic.  I use the word “magical” because of the power people seem to think those words contain.  However, there’s a plethora of reasons people say those words.  Here are a few translations of “I love you” that I’ve come across:

I like you a whole lot.

You are mine. I own you.

You should let me do whatever I want.

There. Now all of our problems are solved.

Don’t break up with me.

You should change.

Cynical?  Probably.  Honest? Definitely.  Love isn’t always enough.  Sometimes, the people that you love are very, very bad for you to be around for one reason or another.

Fourth, I do not like the fact that people are expected to be in couples.  Granted, it’s not as bad here as other places that I’ve been.  But I still come across people that seem to think that I’m somehow sad because I’m single.  There are days that I would like someone to snuggle up with on the couch.  But I am happy with my life the vast majority of the time.  (I even have an appreciation for my problems.)   Yes, you do need other people to make you happy (to quote About A Boy).  However, there is no hard and fast rule stating that one of those people has to be a significant other.  I have kickass friends and some pretty swell coworkers.

Fifth, most aren’t all that well written.

So that’s my rant of the day.  It should be stated that a significant portion of my annoyance with this genre comes from the fact that shelving it is an utter pain.  We get too many in the first place and there’s no room on the shelf.  You can easily spend ten minutes shifting things around just to make room for one book.  After a few hours of this, I’m ready to drag the cart into the alley and have a nice bonfire.  One of these days I might just bring marshmallows to work.

 

Sitting still……wish me luck….

I’m staying in Kansas for a while.  Hopefully, for a few years at least.  Upon telling on of my oldest friends this, she replied, “Really?!?…….I mean….do you think you can sit still that long?”  I have to admit, she has a point.

I love travel.  And for all the crazy ups and downs, I loved living abroad.  However, my family isn’t there and neither is the means for what I want to do with my life.  I think I’ll be okay with staying in one place as long as I have an endgame.

That said, it’s horribly tempting to pack up and go.  At times, it’s grating being back.  I have to worry about things like car insurance, registration, heath insurance, having a car in general, finding a job, finding a place to live, getting my stuff out of storage, holidays, prices, enrollment, class schedules, tuition, etc.  The list keeps going.  Most days, I do pretty well.  Most days, I can remember all the reasons that I came back and all of the people that I am so glad to see.    Usually, I can remember all the crap things about living abroad.  However, there are moments that it’s everything I can do to sit still.  Moments where it’s all I can do NOT to drive to the airport and book a ticket anywhere.   About once a week, I go online and look at the jobs that I would have a shot at.  Japan, Qatar, Taiwan, Russia, Chile, Korea, Spain……the list goes on.  I also think about my friends that are now scattered to the four corners.  Hmmm…..it’d be great to visit and maybe I could find a job near them!

I’m very glad that I can typically talk myself out of it.   So instead of an escape abroad, I’m plotting smaller, more local trips.  This summer, I’d like to find a river and kayak down it.  Yes, I know that summer is quite a ways away.  But it gives me something fun to focus on.  🙂  And having banished thoughts of fleeing the country and replaced them with images of relaxing on a river, I’m off to bed. 🙂

Racism and bigotry is still alive and well. So what are you going to do about it?

“I have a dream that one day, when i call an 800 number i dont need to press 1 for english. that one day i wont have to work a 40 hr week for someone who sits on thier ass, perfectly able to flip burgers, but collects welfare. that one day we will have plenty of american jobs and everything will be American made. that … one day blacks and hispanics will quit playing the victim game and relize they’re treated better than whites. that someday we will support a white president again. that one day our children will be able to pray in school and say the pledge of allegience.that one day Americans will support our troops instead of corrupt Politicians..
just my opinion.. which is why our troops are over there anyway so we can be free..”

I’ll give you a moment to wrap your brain around that.

This was taken from an online argument on facebook.  (I’m not publishing the name for a myriad of reasons.)  And, like I imagine most of you, parts of my brain simply shorted out from the overload.  I could spend my time tearing this paragraph apart.  From the audacity to echo Martin L. King Jr.’s words in order to spread of message of racism to the asinine idea that minorities are playing a game at being victims.  I could.  But I won’t.  Instead, I have a question:

How should we respond to this?

While my first instinct to grab whatever blunt object is handy, that really doesn’t change anything.  Ultimately, I don’t want people like this to shut up.  I’d like to change their mind.  I’d like for them to be a little more logical and a whole lot less fearful.  I want them to feel compassion.   Sure, I could beat them over the head with facts.  But that only goes so far.  Eventually, they close up and then you’ve gotten exactly nowhere.

I recall an event at Walmart in which a grandmother was terribly upset for some reason.  She only spoke Spanish.  Nearly in tears, she was frantic and couldn’t communicate why.  Another employee make the comment, “Why can’t those people just learn English?”  After finding that the woman couldn’t find her grandson, finding the grandson, and getting things squared away, I went back to the employee in question.

I asked her how far she would go to make her children’s lives better.  She said that she’d probably do anything.  I asked her if she had to choose between raising her children in a place where there was a high crime rate, where they could never get ahead, and where education would be limited or raising them in a place where there was a chance that they might do well, what would she choose?  She chose the later.  Would she still choose the later even if it meant that she would have to move far away from her family, not know the language, and take a job washing floors?  She admitted that she would.   I asked her to imagine her day.  She might have to work long hours and maybe she could only see her kids for a few hours each day.  Would she take an English class or spend time with her kids?   She got very quiet after that.

Skip ahead a few months.  I overheard the same employee gently dressing down another associate.  She was have the same conversation that I had that day.  But this time, she was the one appealing to the associate’s imagination and compassion.  Yeah, I cried at work that day.  But for the very best of reasons.

How do I respond?  I ask questions.

Too often people try to railroad others into changing their minds with facts and logic.  The problem is that those two only work if the other person has a base made of them (so to speak).  And if they do, that’s fantastic.  But if they don’t, in the end, both parties are angry and nothing in accomplished.

I like my sister’s method.  She merely postulates this: How does insert behavior here make you a better person?

So here’s my question for the readers of the vast interweb: How would you respond?

Intimacy with Dennis Daily

I have quite a bit of free times these days, being a jobless bum and all, and how to fill up my time is a daily problem.  After job hunting, stats, and catching up with people, I am often at a loss for something to occupy my time.  Enter ECM.  The church offers free sexuality classes on Monday nights at 7pm.  Free is good.  Different speakers are brought in and numerous topics are discussed. Tonight’s topic was intimacy. Here’s some of what I gleaned:

Intimacy is the human need/ability to experience emotional closeness with another human being.  In the context of a relationship, the closeness is reciprocated.  Which basically means that the level of emotional risk-taking is the same.  To experience intimacy, a person must continue/maintain a sense of individual autonomy.  In short, you don’t need someone else to tell you that you are, in fact, a good and decent human being.  And lastly, a person has to be okay with being alone.  Another way to define intimacy is that it’s the choice we make to be known by others because we have an interest in being known.

Hmmm……..chewy.

A lot of this advice sounded like it came from my mom, in different words of course.  But the idea about both people taking the same amount of risk was rather new to me.  Or at least I hadn’t thought of it like that before.  And speaking of mothers, Daily brought up the idea that there are two types of parents: cloners and gardeners.  Cloners do their best to raise copies of themselves.  Gardeners create a “soil” rich in knowledge, ideas, and experiences from everywhere and then pretty much sit back and see what kinda plant comes up.  This does not mean that they do not instill morals or rationality into their children, it just means that they step back and let their kids be whoever the heck they are.  The problem with raising clones is that the love of the parents ends up feeling conditional to the kids.   Gardener’s love feels unconditional.

Daily also had a lot of good advice about how to interact with your partner in a way that is healthy for both people.  The one that struck me the most was the problem of being a helper.  If your partner comes to you with a problem and you automatically start in with advice, the wrong message gets sent.  Sometimes, the person with the problem feels as if their partner assumes that they aren’t capable.  Moral of the story: wait until the other person asks for help.

Another point made was the fact that people get married too young and for the wrong reasons.  Too young because they haven’t created their “self” yet.  There are a lot of people who walk down the aisle in order to gain a permanent source of affirmation.   Both can end up being toxic years down the line.  I’m fairly certain that most folks have attended a wedding where you know that the couple in bliss is making one of the above mentioned mistakes.  Granted, there are a lot of people that work through it.  There are also a lot that don’t.

So overall, good class.  While there were times that I inwardly cringed at some of my habits, I feel that it was one hour of my life well spent.

 

Things I missed and things I miss

I’ve been back in the States for a little over a month.  Yeah, there’s some serious readjustments going on in my head.  It’s been wonderful catching up with friends and family.  It’s nice to be able to go the grocery store and be able to read the labels on everything.  I have a lot of time on my hands these days, so here are some of the things that I’ve been thinking about.

Things I missed about living in the States

1. People that know me disturbingly well.  Some of them know me well because we share a lot of DNA.  Others because we spend a lot of time together.  Whatever the reason, I love those people.  They share my hatred of cliches and give some awesome hugs. 🙂

2. The space.  It’s nice being able to be alone.  And not that icky “there are 25 million people around me and still I have no one to talk to” alone.  I like the alone that comes with being in the middle of nowhere.  I like the nature, the peace, and the lack of noise.

3. My car.  Yes, I’d trade it in a second for decent public transit, but I still enjoy the tactile sensation of driving.  What can I say? I like shifting.

4. Food.  Diversity is awesome.

However, there’s just as much stuff that I miss about being abroad.

1. My students.  I was positively addicted to those moments where a light bulb would go off above a kid’s head.

2. Non-stupid cellphone plans.  Really.  Why do we put up with being charged for incoming calls and texts?  It’s stupid.

3. Good public transit.  I like getting things done.  I like being able to read a book or study on the way to work.  While I like to drive, I like accomplishing stuff more.

4.  Being in demand.  I miss having a valued skills set.  I miss work being so easy to come by that I would be approached at the gym with offers of employment.  *sigh

Overall, I’m glad to be back.  It’s just strange as all hell.  My sister jokingly said I should start my own support group for people returning overseas.  It’s not a bad idea.  Flux is bizarre state in which to exist.  Things are getting better.  My filters are coming back (I no longer overhear ever conversation in English).  I no longer feel the impulse stare at obese people (It sounds terrible, I know.  But I haven’t seen any in years.)   And the class I’m taking is going quite well.

A Dare About Health Care.

I can’t seem to wrap my head around why people are against fixing our painfully (apologies for the pun) broken health care system.  I recently had the opportunity to visit with an ex-coworker of mine, and I really appreciated her views.

Being a single mother in a low income bracket, her son had access to HealthWave, which is the Kansan version of Medicaid for children.  Unfortunately, once she was making $7.50 an hour for 32 hours a week, she received the news the her son was no longer eligible for the program (read carefully on the website. Coverage is never guaranteed.  It only states that you may be eligible) .  Granted, surviving on $7.50 an hour isn’t too bad, provided that you have a strong social support system.  This is something that far too many people overlook.  Think about every time your family (and/or friends) pushed you to work harder or set your own standards higher.  Think about the expectations you grew up with.

I digress.  In the conversation with my friend, she pointed that now health care for herself and her son is now hundreds of dollars a month.  In the few years that they’ve had health insurance, they have visited the doctor or dentist a whooping total of five times.  After acknowledging that treatment would have been cheaper had they paid out-of-pocket, she said that she wouldn’t mind paying so much (she could afford it now) if only she knew that someone was getting the benefits, instead of knowing that someone was getting richer.

I couldn’t agree more.

There’s a lot in the media about how the United States has the greatest health care system in the world.  I am amused at how many people that I know support that statement have never experienced health care outside the US.  And in conversations with them, I’ve been having a good time asking them to do a little research of their own.  For example, try looking up the following by country:

Infant Mortality Rate

Maternal Mortality Rate

Preventable Deaths

These are just a few examples.  Find where the US is on the list.  Look at countries that are doing better than us.  Then look at how many countries have socialized (or heavily regulated) health systems.

When roughly 20% of each dollar (this is the lowest number I’ve seen. The highest is 31%)   is spent toward overhead costs, there is something wrong.  At very LEAST, we need to digitize records and standardize billing systems.

This post meanders around a bit (I’ve been studying math for the past three hours and my eyes are crossing), but my points are these.  1) Something needs to be done about the current system.  2) We are not the best in the world, but I have hope that we can improve. 3) It’d be really nice if Americans could work together to create a better system, but I don’t have much hope for that.

(Side note: I am amazed by the number of people who are opposed to health care reform and can somehow manage claim they are religious.  Deut. 15:7. “If there is a poor man among you, one of your brothers, in any of the towns of the land which the LORD your God is giving you, you shall not harden your heart, nor close your hand to your poor brother; but you shall freely open your hand to him, and generously lend him sufficient for his need in whatever he lacks.”  Except, of course, unless you think he’s lazy. Or if you don’t like him. Or if he doesn’t share your particular belief system.  I know folks that make a HUGE deal out of homosexuality (which the Bible mentions about six time) and yet complain about their tax money going to welfare (verses about taking care of the poor are second in number only to verses about having no gods before God).  What happen to the whole idea of not judging?)

Running Barefoot: Day One

I still remember the first time I sprained my ankle.  I was doing the long jump and came down on the outer edge of my shoe.  My momentum carried me through and my ankle said “pop.”  Ever since then, my left ankle hasn’t been the same.

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with running shoes.  I like the way that runners feel on my feet.  I strongly dislike having to slog the extra weight after a few miles.  To that end, I’ve had a mixed relationship with running.  I love running around as a kid.  Then, facing a mom who (rightly) believed that lots of exercise was good for a growing girl, I was strongly encouraged to do cross-country and track.  I was not a fan.

Some of  my favorite memories have been times spent in various parks with friends.  We’d take off our shoes, stretch out on the grass, and enjoy a beer and some good conversation.  Inevitable, someone would bring a ball of some sorts and we’d all be up having a good time.  But I think that the removal of shoes was key.

I digress.  Recently, I read an article about how shoes aren’t really that good for you.  Actually, they are bad.  We have thousands of nerve endings and dozens of tiny bones that we have specifically for the purposes of locomotion.  And what do we do?  We try to out-think our bodies, which is kinda dangerous.  More and more research is showing that we’re pretty well designed and we really shouldn’t mess with it too much.  Science has provided innumerable ways to improve on our flaws (I think we can all agree that glasses are a good thing), but too often we try to fix what isn’t really broken.  Recently, we’ve come to depend on pills for things that we really could correct naturally.  I wonder how many pills in the US could be avoided by a lifestyle change.  I also wonder how many podiatrists would be looking for work if everyone took off their shoes.

I’ve had problems with my ankles and also my knees and hips (though to a lesser degree) for quite a while.  In Korea, I wore high heels more in three years than I had before in my life.  Now, I’m putting aside my shoes for the next few weeks to see what happens.  I also started running this past week and this morning I took my first jog barefoot.

It’s cheesy, but while I was running, I kept thinking of all of my barefoot memories.  )When I was eight, I prided myself on being able to sprint on gravel.  I can’t do that now, but my feet have retained some of their toughness.)  I only ran for about 20 minutes (with some walking-I’m not in shape), but for the first time in ages, I enjoyed myself.  I had a lot more to think about.  Not only did I focus on my breathing (I read that exhaling on your left foot helps to avoid side stitches), but I also got to enjoy the different textures under my feet.    I don’t know how it will be when the novelty wears off, but I supposed I’ll just find different paths to take.

Now back at home, I’m becoming very aware of all the muscles that have become rather lazy in my shoes.   A little painful, but in that nice “I’ve just worked out” kinda way.  As with anything, it’s best to easy in slowly.

But I’m still looking forward to tomorrow.

Heidelberg, New Friend, and relaxing train rides

One of my sisters told me that she had a friend staying in Heidelberg.  After some chit chat on facebook, Melissa and I decided to meet up for a day was wandering around the castle.  I was a little bit worried about finding each other at the train station, but it turned out not to be a problem.

We went to the Heidelberg Castle, which overwhelmed me. Sean told me that after seeing Heidelberg, he just didn’t really want to see anymore castles after that.  I have to agree.  Even after meandering for a spell, the jaw-drop factor didn’t really dissipate.  (The rest of the pictures can be seen at the link at the bottom of the page.)   And it kept getting better.  Turns out that concerts are held there and even (I’m excited about this) Nosferatu.

*Nosferatu is one of my favorite films.  It is a rip off of Dracula, with a few minor differences.  A live orchestra provides the music for the movie,

After touring the castle, Melissa and I went for lunch and beers.  Heidelberg is a nice place just to walk around.  There are dozens of interesting shops, almost as many places to grab a bite, and street performers.  After discovering that we both had a love of hookah,  Melissa and I found a cafe where we could enjoy hookah, beers, and the music of the nearby band.   We got to do some people-watching and talk with some other Americans who sat next to us (they were military kids who did NOT was to leave Europe)

Later, we purchased some pastries and went down to the river.  I cannot imagine a more relaxing place.  I made a mental note to return and rent a kayak.

Then I hopped on the train back to Ramstein.  In Korea, I’d picked up the habit of falling asleep on the subway.  However, falling asleep on the high speed train is not a good idea.  I missed my stop (woke up just after we were pulling away from my stop) and ended up a stone’s throw from the French border.  All that would have been okay, except for the fact that I’d left my passport on the dresser.  As I got on the train going the right direction, I noticed that the police were coming by checking everyone’s passports.  Funny enough, I didn’t really worried about getting hassled by the German police (who do NOT have the reputation of warm and fuzzy kittens), but rather the phone call that I’d have to make to Sean.  I imagined hanging out with friends years down the road and the story getting brought up again and again and again.  Fortunately, the train served, causing one police officer to fall into the seat across from me.  He got up laughing, his buddy teased him.  And while they were bantering, they completely overlooked me.   I peeked over the seat after they had passed.  Everyone’s passport had been checked, save for mine.

After that, I just wanted off the train.  Instead of waiting for the train to take me to Ramstein, I decided to get  on one that would take me to the next town over and walk it from there.  There are bike paths between the towns and the walk was pretty.  Overall, still an awesome day.

Heidelberg, Germany

From Germany to Cyprus…..

Wow. I need to post more often.

Okay. So weekend before last, Sean and I went to see Neuschwanstein Castle.  It was built in the 1800s by a brat of a king who didn’t seem to have much common sense.  (You can read more about it here.)  While the castle was certainly interesting, I appreciated the scenery much more.  We also spent a day wandering around in Munich.  There, we came across a great band playing on the street.  The violin player was such a showman that he mesmerized anyone walking by.  If you get a chance and enjoy good music, check out their website.

Then Sean had a last minute business trip to Cyprus and I decided to tag along.  We stayed on the Greek side of the island the entire time.  It was horribly hot there, but beautiful.  We stayed on the south part of the island.  We got a chance to visit some ruins as well as a few days to just vegetate on the beach.    Anyways, I did a fairly good job of putting captions on the photos.  Here they are.  Enjoy!

From Ramstein to Munich to Cyprus