Honestly, now.

The pressure continues to built.  Find a plan.  Find a career.  Figure things out.  It’s not just me that’s adding pressure, but it IS mostly me.  I feel it every time I see that someone I know got a new job or had a kid.  I can’t help but think, “What am I doing?”  It’s the ever-evasive sense of purpose.  I’ve changed my plans so many times that I can’t remember.  Every time someone asks, “When are you coming home?” it’s just a little more added.  It’s not that I’m not trying.  I have a growing collection of self-help books.  From “What Color Is Your Parachute?” to book about dealing with procrastination.  And yes, I’ve read them.

Today a coworker asked me how I was doing.  And she really wanted to know.  So I told her.  I said, “It’s just one of those days where I feel like I don’t like the world and the world doesn’t like me back.”  This has been going on for several days.  I’d blame the weather, but unless I have a strange allergy to perfect spring days, that doesn’t really hold.  I think my inconsistency bothers me.  Actually, I know it does. I’m still envious of those people who know what’s going on in their lives.

Part of me wants to resign myself to the fact that I may never find that perfect career.  The other part of me demands that the search continue.  In the meantime, I’m not sure which direction I should take.

So here’s the plan for this year.  Finish my contract.  Travel.  Go to Thailand and take a CELTA course (a certificate for teaching English as a second language).  Come back home for Christmas.  Go back to Korea and try for a university job.  In between, I want to get at least ten stories written and sent out.  I want to get better at Tae Kwon Do and I want to lose about fifteen pounds.   That’s the plan.

For now.

Japan pictures are here.

I am having a lot more fun this time around in Japan.  It helps that I am here to get my real, true visa.  It also helps that during visa runs, it is quite easy to find a fellow visa runner and team up. 

So for the past few hours, I have been hanging out with Chris.  Turns out that Chris plays on a football (and by football I mean soccer) team with one of my coworkers.  Small world.  Anyways, after getting things lined up at the Korean consulate, we wandered around a park for a while and then ate Japanese ramen.  It was amazing.

I promise that I will post pictures within a week of this post. 

It is nice to have a break from work and nicer still to know that I will soon be legal..

But for now, off to pick up my visa!

I’m going to bed early because I have to be at work in eight hours.  So I’ll get maybe five hours of sleep, but considering that I’m still averaging seven, then I’m doing okay.

Alright, so onto the news: I’m finally (FINALLY!) getting my visa.  I have the issuance number and now all I have to do is skip to Japan and get the paperwork taken care of.  Never thought I’d say this, but I’m getting tired of going to Japan.  Three times in two months is just a little much for me.  Especially when you consider that, in total, I will have been on the ground less than seventy-two hours.

My recent purchases include a book on procrastination, which is insightful, if not unnerving.  There’s a lot of myself that I recognize (family members: you can stop rolling your eyes.  Yes, that means you Mom.) and even more that strikes some rather uncomfortable truths.  Namely, that I’m a perfectionist and a control freak.  While discussing this with Mary, she started cracking up.  Apparently, these things are obvious to the outside observer.  On the subway ride back home, among the exhausted throngs, I started thinking about self-improvement books.  I used to be one of those people who scoffed at the idea of buying a book in order to improve oneself.  Not only would I scoff, I would openly mock.  Now I  am the person buying them and I don’t even care.

Anyways, this is rambling and I shouldn’t put off going to bed.  Take care!